I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
