So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
