I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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