She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
