i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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