Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
