I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I will pee on everything he values.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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