i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
