I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
