dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
