thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
