they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
