Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
