I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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