After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
