Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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