He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
