I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
