i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
