I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
