My hand turned me down
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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