they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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