Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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