oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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