Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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