I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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