I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
