Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
