he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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