So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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