wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
