you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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