i think i have herpe
just one?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
