RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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