i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
