His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
