pop tarts are not kleenex
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
