now i know why i became what i already was.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
