here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
