I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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