somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
