I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
