Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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