Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
