I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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