when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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