so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
