i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
