There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
