Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
